i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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