"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Randomize
