i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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