If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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