think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.