Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
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Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
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I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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