I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
