So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
