When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
