So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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