Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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