I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
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