Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
