I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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