what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize