i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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