Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Don't make out with my wife yet
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
