Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
