Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Of course I have a pirate flag
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
