I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
