i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
