So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
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Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
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That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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