I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
