Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
