Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
