I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
