her vagine was all disorganized.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
