Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
