the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
