Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
