My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
