mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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