Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
