my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
