dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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