She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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