You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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