ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
