im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I am mentally ready for anal.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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