you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
We smell like vodka and hangover
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