i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
