I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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