dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
