I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
