I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
