i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
