I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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