The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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