U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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