I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
