just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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