just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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