it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
