we're chasing vodka with high fives
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
