I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
