why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
