Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
True strength comes from lack of pants
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
