First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
