Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
