oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
