why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
