# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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