Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
